Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize