he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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