I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
