i think my mom watched the whole time
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
