worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
