My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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