they need to just BURY HIM!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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