Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
