you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize