his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize