dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
