Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
