plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
