found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
