i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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