your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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