dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
