we're blogging at a bar
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
