She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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