I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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