omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
