got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
