How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
