i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
