At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
