I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
