Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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