i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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