so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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