at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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