Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
