he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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