I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
