I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
