I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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