We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
