And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize