You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
