I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
