there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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