She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
