What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
