After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize