Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
