I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize