I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
