the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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