walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
