I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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