Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
