she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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