In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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