No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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