Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
