New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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