Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
