I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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