he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Found the puke drawer
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
