i would punch a child for taco bell
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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