well I can't set my house on fire every night
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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