where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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