piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
