omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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