she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My life is pants optional.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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