Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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