You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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