HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
