I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
