god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
