Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
