just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
