Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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