no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize