I skipped work to stalk him.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
