ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
