sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
