grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
...so i touched it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize