don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
