I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
