You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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