i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
