Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
