dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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