so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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