I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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