I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize