a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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