so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
