yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
