Got a toothbrush?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
