who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
