Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
