I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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