and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
