I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize