I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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