Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize