you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
